Having a personal philosophy is something that sounds recently invented. Does everyone have a philosophy? Is it something you decide, or can it be unconsciously decided? I guess it depends who you are.

Being really Type-A, (like, I have a cleaning schedule. With check boxes. In my bullet journal. Where I record things like ‘take out recycling.’ It’s the most boring journal ever), I like to think, research and organise, and having a philosophy of sorts helps me find a sense of clarity.

When I am unsure, or anxious, I don’t sleep. Instead I stay awake running through all my thoughts, ideas, and everything I’ve ever said, just in case I have missed the silver bullet solution to whatever is keeping me awake. I obsess over the problem at hand until I work out what to do. Hello, 3am Google search. It’s not healthy, it’s exhausting, but it does force you to solve the problem faster, lest you never sleep again.

This week in itself has been challenging. My plan hasn’t paid off, and I have made no progress toward this particular goal. But, I’ve had the opportunity to learn about different things, how I can do better next time, and I can draw upon this new set of experiences when I try to do this again. That sounds really zen, which is completely not how I felt for Monday and Tuesday this week. I have bitten my lip so much it’s swollen and my diet went to hell for two days. My stomach tied itself into a knot, I snapped at Loxley, and I was completely unable to concentrate on being at work.

But it’s meant that I am looking at my philosophy in general, not just food. There are some really strong parallels between my approach to food, and my approach to life.

What I’m doing with my food tends to be reflective of how life is going. If I’m ear deep in cheese sauce and eating cookies by the pound, you can tell that things aren’t quite rosy in the garden. If I am eating chia seeds, cooking every meal, and bringing lunch to work every day, it’s all gravy.

Being obsessed with food has it’s perks for Olly – he can assess my emotional wellbeing by the contents of the fridge and the quality of his lunch. I like my life, and the food that I eat to feel ‘clean’. I get really literal about this too, because I firmly believe I cannot possibly have my life together until two things are achieved each week; the cleaning, and the meal planning/cooking. If no meal plan or real cooking has happened, I’m in the midst of the funk.

So… what do you eat in the funk? Do you stay clean, or do you throw all the rules out? I throw all the rules out and float in cheese until I feel better. Which is something I’m working on balancing out better. But I’m not exactly an angel, so despite my firm belief that plants and protein are a thing we should try and maintain all the time (my body is a temple, I am the picture of health, would you like some raw fruit, etc), I am also very prone to lying on the couch, drinking wine, and eating spaghetti with meatballs, half a pound of cheese and mozzarella sticks. Which contains… a tiny amount of protein, too many carbs, and cheese. But when I feel like this, I couldn’t give a flying whatever.

So the cycle starts again. I get annoyed, so I clean, and buy groceries, and organise the fridge. I make a new list of projects, and start again. And I guess that’s all you can do.

I’m lucky because I know what I like and how my system works and mostly, the system is good. I feel good about it. I just need to work on balance, and being more consistent, every day.